WHO DON'T FIT N?

This morning I was riding down some strip mall highway in Delaware and came to a traffic light. I looked over at the driver next to me and saw this 40ish looking black man. He was wearing sun glasses, a cowboy hat, clean shaven and I think he had a bald head. He appeared to be what I'd consider an all around clean cut Negro. He was driving one of those cars that are suppose to go fast, the ones built low to the ground with a tailpipe the size of a basketball. What really caught my eye was in his back window he had written in bold red letters, U.S. Army Retired. I thought he looked a little young, but then again that’s from where I sit. He also had the usual stickers on his car, Support Our Troops and the MIA black ribbon. I thought to myself, any conscious, non-Christian, African centered African in America would say, there’s one lost Negro.

But at the next light some thing else meandered in. I looked in the mirror at my aged face, locked hair, and unemployable black ass and asked, who’s the lost one here? It occurred to me, if we were the same age etc., who’d likely get more respect from most people? Who’d make people feel more comfortable, who would they fear? All things being equal, who’d likely be hired first? Who would get the social kudos? In all likelihood, whose opinion would be made more serious, appropriate? Not mine, I’d be considered “militant, a nationalist, a trouble maker, esoteric,” at best, or just plain crazy at worst.

Why is that? Why would someone who really wishes (and works at it) that Black people become self-sufficient, independent, and respected, be least respected by Black people? On the other hand, judging from appearance and bumper stickers, some one who has a 98% chance of being Christian and adamantly supports those who support systems that locks up too many Black men, discriminates against Blacks in employment and other services, develops negative social stereotypes, controls their voice, while both historically and contemporarily demeaning things black, get more respect from, not just White folk, but Black folk as well? Why would they fit in among Blacks and I’d be considered the one lost, out of touch?

It makes me want to give up. It makes me wonder if it’s just smarter to be critically lazy and culturally dependent. Hell, is it psychologically easier to just surrender your spirit to some mystical god within national borders? Is it mentally healthy to just confine your thinking to American Idol? What advantage is there to not fitting in? Bottom line, maybe dude knew something I didn’t and in fact, I am the crazy one.